Not So Deep Thoughts from a Beach in Thailand

I'm currently on Ao Thong Nai Pan Noi, a bay on the northeast side of Ko Pha Ngan, which is an island in the Gulf of Thailand. After 3 days on the beache of Phuket with the girls, I left them earlier this week to head here for some scheduled relaxation. I know, scheduled relaxation probably sounds quite ridiculous and obnoxious coming from a girl who has no plans to work for the next few months. But we did keep up a fairly blistering pace for 3 weeks, and let's face it, Heather's been due to destress for a couple years now.

Phuket was, well, excellent for the purposes of tanning your backside, but absolutely overrun with tourists, mainly the middle-aged Scandinavian variety. We spent a day early last week on Patong Beach, and while we were pleased that our faces had begun to lose the deathly pallour inflicted by Canadian winters, let's just say it was really easy to tell who the new kids on the beach were. Apparently Scandinavians have the capacity to tan exceptionally well, though some of them seem to take it to an unnecessary level and begin to resemble overdone spring rolls, extra crispy. Speaking of my favorite Thai appetizer, what's fantastic is salespeople walk up and down the beach selling spring rolls for lunch. I mean, how perfect is this place?

After a 4 day trip to Khao Sok National Park we returned to Phuket, this time to Kata Beach. Kathy, the smart woman that she is, booked us into the superswank Kata Beach Resort, one of the few resorts right on the beach. Except for the place being absolutely littered with ancient European men with pendulous guts hanging over their speedoes and their scantily clad wives, the resort was lovely. Our biggest commitment of the day was getting up early enough to claim prime lounge chairs by the pool.

The trip over to this side of the mainland was a bit on the long and sweaty side. The bus ride from Phuket over to the ferry crossing was somewhat torturous - 5 hours of moving at a snail's pace on a bus that used the term 'air-conditioning' very loosely and incorrectly. An hour and a half on a ferry got me to Ko Samui, a large island about 45 minutes from the island I'm currently on. The transporation highlight of the day was the ride by sawngthaew around Samui island to get to the hotel I'd booked for the night. Transporation can be a scam here - there's no doubt about it. Taxis rarely run on meter willingly so they quote ridiculous prices when they see a foreigner with luggage. So most people bypass the taxis and go to a more affordable option. Sawngthaews are basically small pick-up trucks which have bench seating along the sides of the truck's bed. The locals cram into the back in alarming number, so often you'll see people standing on the back bumper, holding onto railings. This is exactly were I found myself a few minutes later, as by the time I found one heading in the right direction, it was crammed with Thais. So I spent 40 minutes driving around the island standing on the back bumper of a truck, one arm clining to the rail, the other clutching my bags. It was pretty fantastic - sunshine on my back and me with basically no idea where I was going.

The next morning I took a ferry over to Ko Pha Ngan. The average age of the passengers was about 22 by my estimation. Ko Pha Ngan is famous for its monthly full moon beach parties when several thousand foreigners converge on a beach for copious amounts of alcohol, drugs, etc. It turns out I inadvertedly scheduled my arrival to coincide with full moon party night - probably the only fool on the ferry that found herself in that situation. I felt positively geriatric, but in a really good way.

The roads on Ko Pha Ngan are pretty basic, and I've since seen it described in a guide book as 'jungle roads'. That's pretty accurate as most of the 45 minute ride was on windy, crevice-laden dirt roads that wound up and down hills. A series of interconnected ginormous potholes and long, snake-like gouges are eaten into the road during the rainy season, which made for a bumpy ride. But it wouldn't be a quiet and isolated beach if it was easy, would it?

So I'm now more than halfway through my scheduled navel-gazing - 8 days on the beach. This is the longest I've stayed anywhere since I arrived in Asia and it's quite lovely. It's a very quiet spot and a positively tiny beach, but it's exactly what I was looking for. I find I've slipped into 'all-inclusive' mode - my sister Jayne will know what I mean by this. While I spend a couple minutes every morning pondering the merits of various day trips, everything seems like too much of a commitment and instead I meander through the day laying on the beach reading a book, breaking things up with the occasional cool drink or walk along the beach.

I was just flipping through my journal a few minutes ago and found an entry from mid December. After a week on the farm I was going a little stir crazy and was a giant ball of tension over 'trip-planning' - which I attacked like some stressed-out workaholic. Anyway, I quote my ridiculous self here - 'I just need a fucking break from myself'. Well newsflash braniac, going to a tiny beach in Thailand solo doesn't exactly provide the desired break from yourself. Yes, after 5 short days alone, I am tired of my own company. (I'm trying not to contemplate the implications this has for the rest of my trip!) This is probably why I'm getting off my biniki-clad bottom tomorrow and going to ride an elephant. According to my schedule, I'm also supposed to be engaged in a red-hot holiday romance right about now, but maybe I got the dates messed up. I think the marajuana from my neighbour's front deck may be affecting me.

But I just had a very positive thought. It's January, I'm on a beach in Thailand, not stressing about work. No worries everyone, I've just slapped myself upside the head!