A Day in the Life of Swami (Not) Heather

(Composed while I was without internet access, in deepest, darkest, India - so this is outdated. Ramblings from day 1 & 2 at the ashram)
So I'm currently at an ashram in India. Ending up here was an inspired bit of spontaneity that may have been just plain crazy, but the jury is still out. Let me explain how it transpired. It was late at night about a week before Christmas and Heather was stressing over trip planning. How messed up is that? Very, I know. Anyway, I’d decided that I had to do a hike in the Himalayas, but wanted to delay it a bit till slightly warmer temperatures were possible. So I needed to find a way to kill time in India. I mean, right Heather, you need to just waste a couple of weeks in India, how ridiculous does that sound? So I’m flipping through my Lonely Planet guide reading about things to do in India and yoga is mentioned. And I think, ooh, yoga and India, they go together quite logically, don’t they? So no, people, I’m not at an ashram because I’ve been practicing yoga for years and will finally be blessed with the opportunity to meet my own personal guru. I’m here for 2 weeks partially so I won’t freeze my ass off in the Himalayas. I could have hidden this from you all and pretended that this was more of a spiritual journey, but I believe in honesty. I’m the girl who gets frustrated in an hour-long yoga class at the gym because I’m not ‘accomplishing something’. I’ve bought a couple books on meditation over the years and stretched out on my bed and attempted to clear my mind. But you know what? It’s a pretty cluttered cranium, and invariably about a minute and a half in, I start stressing about something. Despite this history, and my fear of being kicked out of the ‘yoga vacation program’ as soon as they realized how clueless I am, I still came.



It is beautiful here. And peaceful. And painful, actually. In this morning's satsang Swami X (I've yet to catch his name, it's long and complicated) read a passage of advice for spiritual seekers. Apparently we should 'be prepared for any amount of pain'. The Swami's not kidding. Every day we rise at 6am for satsang (meditation and chanting) and spend an hour and a half seated cross-legged on a cement floor. I think it's possible that if I was busy reaching a higher plane, I might not notice the ache in my hips, ankles and back. But no such luck. At the most basic level, to stop yourself from day-dreaming you're supposed to concentrate on your breathing. I find if I concentrate too hard, I forget to breath, which sort of defeats the purpose. I can sit still for about 2 minutes, then have to start adjusting my limbs which are starting to go numb. Good times indeed.

At 7:30 I have karma yoga, which is essentailly a work assignment to keep things running smoothly at the ashram, though they spin it as 'serving the God in eachother'. I got a sweet deal - tea service duty. It only takes 15 minutes and other than the fact the crowds can be a bit riotous if we don't arrive on time, its pretty easy. And really, it's quite a positive experience when I reflect on it - people are usually starving by the time the tea arrives, so we end up being quite popular.

At 8:00am we have our first asana class, or yoga class, for 2 hours. Its excellent because the temperature is still pleasant and I'm still feeling relatively energized. My back doesn't really love it though. The nagging lower back pain I've had for 2 months is not enjoying all this twisting and manipulation and protests through most of the postures.

At 10:00am we have our first of 2 meals of the day. We eat seated crossed legged on the floor, eating from a large silver plate. Servers (a more demanding karma yoga assignment than tea duty) ladle food from large pails. The diet is completely vegeatarian, and quite good. I would kill for caffeine right about then, though. The most interesting aspect of the meal is we don't use utensils - so you're basically eating vegetarian stew and rice with your fingers. I lasted 2 and a half days and then broke down and bought a spoon a the shop.

There's actually quite a bit of free time mid-day to lay about the ashram and vegetate, or reflect on the spiritual journey you may or may not be having. We have a lecture every day at 2:00 but they're pretty torturous to sit through, so I started skipping them recently.

At 4:00 I go to another yoga class, and so far I've been opting for the gentle yoga class. Its still painful, but slightly less hard-core than the regular class, and more importantly, its shorter, only an hour. Yesterday the instructor said to 'roll up into a comfortable seated position' which I thought was hilarious, as at this point, there is no such thing as far as my back is concerned.

At 6:00 we have our second meal of the day. So far the quality of the dinner meals has been slightly inferior to the breakfast - no rice, just miscelaneous vegetable curry and bread made from cornmeal. So there's always a big line-up at the Health Hut after dinner, with people supplementing their meal.

At 8:00 we have evening satsang for an hour and a half. Similar to the morning but much more horrific as you're tired and the temperature hasn't cooled yet. We're supposed to be silent after satsang and lights are officially out at 10:30, but I'm usually unconscious before then.

So that's 4 hours a day meditating/chanting or in lecture - seated cross-legged. Another hour a day is seated for meals, once again, cross-legged. We spent 3 hours a day in yoga class, contorting our bodies into pretzel-like positions. My hope is that sometime next week I will achieve the bliss state that we chant about. But it isn't the same bliss the Swami speaks of. My goals are not lofty - apparently meditation is hard, and I have a low attention span. My bliss? Not having to be wheeled out of the ashram in a wheelchair.