A Day on a Moped

I’m on the back of a moped on a random highway in Vietnam in a rainstorm, wearing a plastic bag, a pink one at that. It’s raining so hard, water is slashing in between my sunglasses and my face, running into my eyes and I can’t actually see anything. Wiping my eyes would mean I’d have to remove my hands from Thai’s waist (the driver), which currently seems like a very bad idea. The rapidly increasing puddles are so large that when we drive through them the friction of the bike's tires seem to be heating up the rain water and my toes are experiencing a warm, high-pressure shower. (I think this may finally wash off the elephant dung that's been clinging to my foul sports sandals for the last 3 weeks.) Oh, and there's a very large vehicle looming up behind us, its size obvious from the gigantic beep of its horn that's rattling about in my helmet-clad brain. A tour bus just thundered past as I managed to crack an eyeball open. The sign I just saw says 65 km back to Hue. Good times. I say that without sarcasm. I could be dry inside that tour bus right now, but how boring would that be?

Given that a mere 2 weeks ago I was skittish about getting on the back of a moped to zip around Hanoi, heading off on a 6 hour moped trip does seem like a bit of a leap, I admit it. But the DMZ, or demilitarized zone is a mopedable distance away from Hue, the city I've been staying in recently, so it seemed like a good idea. And the trip was great. A large bug smacked into my forehead, and left some sort of residue. My guide/driver, Thai, did offer a massage in my hotel room post-ride, but I laughed off the suggestion quite successfully. I toured the Vin Moc tunnels, which apparently are quite authentic. I saw the river that formerly divided North and South Vietnam. I accidentally wandered a little too close to a live mortar area, but Thai yelled at me in time. And I lost feeling in my right thumb after an hour and a half in a rainstorm, but a half hour soak in the tub has restored feeling, so no amputation will be required.